When my sisters and I were teenagers, we had a conversation with my mother about relationships and love (she wanted to be sure her three daughters were going to get married). When my oldest sister asked, “How will I know when I’m in love?” my mother’s response was, “You’ll just know.”
We were disappointed she didn’t give us a roadmap, and although we were still helpless at the end of the conversation, at some point we realized she knew what she was talking about, you just know. That’s what our senses and hearts are for.
How Do You Know When to Connect?
When people ask me how I know how or when to make a connection with someone, even if we’re on the phone and I can’t see them, I don’t want to say, “You just know.” Instead, I steer them to Brené Brown’s quote in The Gifts of Imperfection, where she defines what a connection is:
“The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship”
Brené’s Guide to Connecting
The energy that exists between people – It starts with noticing and engaging; humor, compliments and inquiries bring an energy of their own.
When they feel seen, heard and valued – Let them be your focus of attention. Listen and learn; you’ll see them transform before your eyes.
When they can give and receive without judgement – With every person, assume the best about them, accepting them as they are.
How Do You Know?
When they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. Every time you make a connection with someone, you gain something and you give something. It’s the give and take that strengthens your connection and makes it vital.
There is something quite magical about connecting with another human.
How will you know if the connection is right?
You’ll just know.
Who will you connect with today?